I have experienced glimpses, why doesn't it stay?

By the force of habit you started to follow your thoughts. If you investigate this closer you will find that you at some point made a choice. You chose the old and familiar instead of the emptiness and the unknown.

You got lost in a feeling or an experience. This also happens by habit. You wanted something concrete and safe. The situation must be felt or experienced in a certain way in order for you to recognize yourself and not feel lost.

The ego or mind is like a living entity. It wants to survive at any cost. Therefore it projects fear when you are beginning to expose it. This is the fear of disappearing or to experience that you will be annihilated. To be seen as nonexistent is the worst thing that the ego or mind knows. Because of this fear it is easy to get lost in the emotion and not to stay and discover that the fear has no roots or substance, it comes and goes, and that there is something deeper that remains untouched.

You are not present in your body. We are so used to be in our heads and our thoughts and ideas. Enlightenment is lived through the body, here and now. The mind is never here and now - always on its way to somewhere else. It is about not escaping from anything - everything is welcome. The body with all its need of intimacy, closeness, food, movement and so on must be taken seriously. You are not your body but you have a body with a lot of needs. You live your life on this planet through the body. As long as you don't co-operate with the body it will make a fuss and be in your way.

You are holding on to a memory. It has to look or be in a specific way. But you can never know. The awakening happens in a moment of openness and innocence. You can not create this yourself. It happens when you are out of the way. It is about Grace and something that is bigger than your personality.

You think it is impossible. Somewhere within you there is a no. I can't, I am not worthy, I am stressed, to stupid, to lazy, to primitive, to neurotic etc. The excuses are endless. We also like to postpone the whole thing like when I come to the retreat, when I meet that special teacher, when I have time and so on - then it will happen. But it is not possible right now.

Disclose these mental circles or fixations:

Where do they come from? Investigate this closely.
Feel through them. Especially if you are an emotional type of person this is a good method.
Is this really true? (that which I am thinking), can I know for sure that it is true. Ask this question.

Are you the perfect seeker? Are you so caught up in your role of following a teacher, certain principles, and to do everything right that you miss what you seek is you, yourself. You feel comfortable in your role as a seeker and being part of a movement or to be connected to something or someone.

There is no one or nothing outside of you. There is no other. There is only you. Find out if you are afraid to be on your own, to stand up for what is your own experiences or afraid to be seen as "wrong" or stupid.

Have you located enlightenment outside of yourself? Do you look at life as a stairway where you take small steps to the much coveted goal? The problem is that the steps never end. Nothing will happen until you see that there is no stairs. You are where you should be and it has always been so.

You have not really taken in that it is about you. You have fine experiences and you are fascinated by the words of the teacher, you read interesting books and attend exciting courses. But you are not fully there - one hundred percent. There is nothing out there, there is only you and that is where it is. That which you really are.

Do I have to do something myself, isn't it supposed just to happen by itself? Isn't it sufficient just to follow the flow? It is about not being afraid of getting hurt, misunderstood, and alone. It is easy to escape away and think it will sort itself out. There is also very much an attitude of distancing and watching/witnessing in our way of living. We avoid being touched, to participate, and to dare to commit ourselves. When we don't enter life fully we can not receive fully - the whole thing.

It is to simple. It can't just be that empty. But there is nothing there! It has to be more philosophically advanced and difficult to understand.

You have a problem with authorities. That teacher can't know more than me. I know myself how things really are. "I know best myself" - maybe you carry a massive anger against your mother or father and project it on the teacher. This prevents you from receiving.

The teacher is not enough exotic or exciting. She or he is too close, does not come from India, is not a thoroughbred red Indian, has ordinary clothes, no unusual habits, talks simple and understandable (maybe too understandable). The exotics factor - "no one is a prophet in your homeland". This also prevents you from receiving.

Follow your heart, listen to your inner voice no matter where it tells you to go. Dare to depend on this. No one but you yourself can know what you truly need. Even if the call themselves Bhagawan, avatar, his holiness or other things like this.

Dare to loose yourself in such things that really touch you: people, places, experiences. It is by being total in what you do that makes you learn something and open up. Enlightenment is about 100 percent, you can not become 99 percent enlightened, it is about being total.

Dare to receive and risk that your concepts about how things should be and your opinions about who you are will be completely demolished. Dare to enter the unknown and really look deep to see what is true, true just for you.

If you find a teacher who you experience yourself complete when you are together with her or him, where your heart takes over, where you become silent - dare to follow. It is about being so deeply in love that you loose yourself completely. You let go completely to discover that you are totally powerless. Life or love takes over.

What you are seeking is bigger than yourself and you can't do anything. Wait, receive, ask for help - life will give you what you need! Everything you want is already there. Can you and do you dare to receive?