Satyananda – Beyond Control

Dear Afshani!

Yes, Life is already here. All attempts to get it or find is in vain. When we try to grasp for it we are standing embarrassed, empty-handed. Nothing is there, but we were here – already, all the time. Closer than your own breath, before anything else, always here. Thank you for your sweet, inspiring words.

Love,
Satyananda

**********************************

My dear Satyananda

Thank you for your loving words on the Mirrors. I have to apologize deeply for any inconvenience and disturbances.

I thought someday I will know you, I thought somehow I will catch you. But when I moved toward you, I got nothing but only my own breath! This breath!

What more I can ask for? But this breath? No, no, sorry may be closer than this breath!

I am in you, I am in self
I am in sun, I am in moon, I am in earth
I am in sea, I am in shore
I am in love, I am in hate
I am in life, I am in death
I am in here, I am in there
I am these tears, I am those laughs
I am in mind, I am insane
I am in love, I am in love, I am in love, in love with you
I am with you, I am in you
I am is not, all is you, all is you
You are my love, you are my breath
I am in home.

My love and my gratitude,
Afshin

The love without a cause is often beautifully shown in animals. We often use pictures of animals to show this love that is just there accepting us just as we are. How many of us have not crept into a corner on our sofa together with our cat or dog, just staying there patting the beloved pet animal and feeling taken care of. If no one loves me at least my cat does has come over many persons lips. We also express this simple, natural love in art works that can be seen as naive, but really are a physical language for the heart. I like to share two pictures a got from Afshin about this:

The cat look (Afshin)

Happy snow man (Afshin)

Recently a saw a wonderful movie about Beatrix Potter called Miss Potter (on Wikipedia). More about Beatrix in Wikipedia. She has made so many beautiful stories and pictures with animals.

Miss Moppet (Beatrix Potter)

Rabbit life (Beatrix Potter)

Our own beloved cat, Grållan, who stayed with us for 16 sweet years.

Love,
Satyananda

Thank you Afshani for sharing this interesting concept. I like to expand a bit about it. Of course, mirrors is just a concept and not “the real thing” but it is very useful. We need words and concept to communicate so here we are trying to make the best of the impossible, that is explaining the Mystery.

I like to begin with the start of life in this physical body. As a little baby you get defined by the closeness and body of your mother. She is there for you and by feeling her body you feel safe and confirmed or validated by your mother’s presence. By feeling her body you are mirrored and you get a sense of identity and that things are ok. But you are totally dependent on the mirror to feel safe. Then step by step you develop a sense of self-existence, a ME that is the center of your life. This me is dependent on many things, like relationships and concepts of what I am and how the world is. Thus we get mirrored by the world of objects and persons and we believe that the mirror and the object it contains are real. Through experience we learn to relay more and more on our own resources and experiences a make our way through the world. When we have gathered enough experiences, learnt enough, we start to see the passing nature of experiences. We long for good experiences and want to avoid the unpleasant. But we get disappointed when we see that we cannot keep the good and avoid the bad. We start to doubt our view of ourselves and the world. What is true happiness? Who am I, really? Questions like that keep coming when we get disillusioned and tired of struggling to get somewhere and to be someone. We start do question what we have learnt from other people and books. Our questions get more and more focused. Not so much what other people say is right or wrong but “What is right for ME, what makes ME happy, what is in it for ME?

The role of the mirror changes. It is like we don’t believe its content. It becomes more and more empty. When we look inside we experience the same thing. The previous belief in thoughts, emotions, and experiences becomes more and more transient. The space inside increases and at some point we discover that there is something there that does not come and go. Something that is there before, during, and after the thoughts. It is not dependent on the thoughts and it does not change. It is just there.

On the journey of exploring yourself and the world you will probably come across several people who have find this emptiness both inside and outside and discovered that it is one whole. When you meet such a person you can feel totally accepted. This person does not need anything from you and does not want you to be something or someone. She/he mirrors to you that you are ok just as you are, you don’t have to do anything or become anything. You can rest in this emptiness and acceptance. The mirror is empty, and if you go even deeper, never did exist. You have always been like this, empty, complete, and loved – yes even Love itself. This can both feel strange and at the same time natural and a relief. When this experience is new there is naturally mental activity going on trying to explain or grab the experience to make an object of it like the usual activity of the mind. By experience you discover that the experience cannot be explained or kept. It is just there and we will get used to it, the ME is dissolved and this Presence becomes our natural identity. I am That! So no inner mirror, no outer mirror, just one whole. This wholeness both contains the unchangeable and the changing world of experiences. Experiences come and go like the waves of the sea but the sea is affected by this.

In my work as a therapist this concept of mirroring is also useful. When a couple come to us we often use an exercise called mirroring when one is talking and the other is just there listening and mirroring back what she/he heard. This has a very healing effect. Being listened to without being interrupted is a rare thing for some people.

But back to your beautiful description of your mirrors. Yes it is true that we need persons to mirror us. When the mirroring is true, there is only emptiness and acceptance. Even the concept of mirrors start to fade and we are left with ourselves. No questions, no ideas, just Life itself.

I am a great fan of Rumi. He explains it so beautifully. In this story about starting to live from the Heart, the silent life in everything. This Heart or Love takes over everything and there is no more a personal heart. My heart becomes the whole world and the whole world is me. But there is no ME in the old sense, no center or limited existence. I also like how Rumi explains that you cannot find duality, and the effort to grab it like the two bottles, is not possible. Later even perception gets permeated by the wholeness. Your Heart looks through your eyes and you only see the Beloved, wherever you look.

Like in one of my tweets:

Beloved: Overflowing of love. Wordless, wanting nothing. Lost all control. I behold Your face, shining everywhere. No desires, just This.

Love,
Satyananda

**************************************************

Mirrors

My dear Satyananda

There is a story by Rumi that explains well my mirrors!

Once upon a time, there was a master of glass making. One day he asked his squint-eye student to bring a bottle from a tent nearby. The student went to the tent and as he was squint, he saw two bottles lying down there! He came back to his master and asked him which bottle do you mean? The master said there is only one! So the student went back to the tent and again he saw two bottles. He came back to his master. Dear master there are two bottles which one I should bring for you? These conversations repeated over and over. The master fed up and ordered the student; Break one of them and bring the other one! The student went to the tent and broke the bottle, so both bottles vanished!

The eyes of student are the eyes of mind, the eyes of the master is the eyes of heart. We feel the oneness of mirrors yet not seeing it!

Love and gratitude,
Afshin

***

My dear Satyanada

Your words are like the mirror to look at myself, but… I see no details, no colors, nothing to remember and nothing to say! How weird!

For me the world was the only mirror to look at myself, full of details, full of colors, a lot to remember and a lot to say.

Now! When I look… I love both mirrors, how wonderful.

Thank you dear Satyanada,
Love,
Afshin

Satyananda

Dear Afshin!
Your last e-mail was really something special! Now I can feel you!

Yes, God is calling you. She/He having been there all the time waiting for you to trust, to let go, to be available. The prayers from your longing heart have been heard, God asks you to let Her/Him in. Receive, take your time. Breathe, feel all the love permeating you. As Rumi says: “Hey! Pilgrims where have you gone, the Beloved is Here, He is here”.

Yes, Love is truly here, it is who you truly are. Like in one of my poems:

Always there

Your original face
is always there,
waiting
for you to dissolve.

When the time is right, by Grace, the Beloved enters and you just fall flat, overwhelmed, tears falling from your eyes, speechless. There never was two, you were always home, you just forgot. Now, you know!

I also would like to share two lines from my poem Awakening:

This love takes everything,
leaves no dust.

Nothing of me is left, I am just dancing in joy, not a care for anything. This that I am is more than enough, overflowing.

When it happens we might feel fragile, vulnerable, a bit shy. Like: “Is this really happening to me?” Maybe we experience some fear or doubt. “Am I this big, am I all this Love”. Invite everything into your heart, into your whole body! Fear or doubt is nothing but hidden love that wants to come out of the hiding, to be acknowledged, to shine forth. Every experience, good or bad, is That. Let it in and everything becomes even more whole, even the shy parts of your personality become bold and proud.

A picture of this is like the wave and the sea. The wave that thought it was alone, isolated, suddenly remembers that it is the sea. It has always been the sea, it just forgot. Now it knows!

Ramana Maharshi beautifully puts it: “Heart is Thy Name, oh Lord!”

Love,
Satyananda.

********************************************************
Afshin

My dear Satyananda

Please tell me what is this? Something inside wishes to go home! Last night I cried like a child, tears and tears.  It was like someone something somewhere is waiting for me! And it felt like I have ignored this for ages and ages, how silliness this ignorance is! And I just wanted to go home. What is this? Every time I read the text Being both personal and everything something fresh and smooth happens in me. What is this? Is this like the famous onion that is now peeled? What is this? You said; ….. just carrying out God’s will, living God’s life,.. and there is no me,.. Love is carrying me every second! Then is this him calling? and is his voice now heard at last?!

There was no hate, no regret, no worry, actually they are but they look so funny. Here is just love, just so much love as you want to offer to everyone and everything. Just love. Rumi says Hey! pilgrims where have you gone, the beloved is Here,  He is Here!

Each time I look back to my very last email it looks like immature words, well it also shows the shortcomings of the words, and I think to my self how silence is mature full and beautiful, maybe it is Silence calling me home.

My great gratitude and love to you,
Afshin

***

Dear Satyanada

Thank you so much for the being both personal and everything reply.

My next breath

Who is going to take my next step
My next breath, my next sigh
Who is going to bring my next cry, my next laugh
my next shout, my next shy
My next tears, my next pain, my next joy
Who is looking from these eyes (Rumi says)
From these ears, from this skin
From this mind, from this feeling, from this intellect
Oh! My love who else but You
Who else but You

(Poem by Rumi)

Anandamayi Ma

Love
Afshin

***

My dear Satyananda

I wonder? How could you point to the knot from all those tell tales. It is all about me!How much correct I analyse the problem, it is only the skill of this mind, and he is now in his new costume! It is all about openly accepting me or better to say seeing me.

There is now a pause for continuing to write further since the gold merchant knows gold from the cupper quite well! No games anymore!

And mind hopefully is going to bow to the purity of heart, at last! And taste the real wine of life.

Dear Sat please do accept my gratitude.
Love
Afshin

Dear Afshani!

Thank you for your inspiring words and beautiful pictures. I have now read your three last e-mails again and felt I needed some time for my response.

Here is what comes to me:

The path of coming home is more about loss than gaining new qualities and abilities. Often you find yourself not caring about what earlier seemed to bother or engage you. This may seem strange sometimes. What is real now, why don’t I react as I used to? The intellect and mind are changing roles from being in charge and telling us what to do and what is real to becoming servants and just adding words to the original experience of Beauty and just being here.

This path is also completely personal. Others may have similar experiences but each case is unique. Therefore part of it is to admit that I have my own unique experience. This may be tricky some times because we are not used to say or think in terms what is true just for me. What can I know from my direct perception. It is so easy to let the mind take over and talk in generalized terms, like we know what is true for everyone. But we can only know what is true for ME. We are responsible for our own reality and reactions. The problem is never what other people do or think. The problem is my reaction to the situation. Can I love myself even in this situation when I am having difficulties in life? Can I see that my shortcomings and difficulties are just movements in Presence? They are just movements of waves in the ocean and that the idea that I must be good, acting lovingly, not doing mistakes and hurting other people are just ideas. The challenge is to be completely honest, admitting that I am what I am. I follow my heart, I trust, and I do what feels right for me – this moment. The next moment might be a completely different situation. I can only be responsible for this moment and my understanding right no. If I look deeper there is no ME responsible, I am just carrying out God’s will, living God’s life. I am completely taking care for every moment. Love is carrying me every second!

All this is happening to YOU. Therefore I say it is all about YOU. You cry your tears, laugh your laugh, there is no other involved. No second reality or anything outside YOU. It is only that this YOU changes from being the center of your life to become everything. The lover and beloved becomes one and it is impossible to say where one starts and the other begins. There is no veil or intermediary between these two. It was just the minds interpretation, and when you no longer believe in thoughts or what the mind says there is just wholeness, truly alive.

Part of the journey is also to admit my limitations. I judge, compare, hide, lie because I am afraid. I am afraid of not being safe, loved, and that I might get heart. I am afraid of what other might think of me, what will happen if I lose control. Step by step Presence permeate through my limitations. It is like the sun shining through the clouds more and more. I become bolder and bolder and start to risk more and more. I trust more, I don’t hold back, and I start to feel a natural pride. I am proud of just being myself, not having to lie or change anything, just letting life shine through me.

Here I like to include the words from another of my poems. Yes, we are truly blessed! I have taken the liberty to publish this conversation in my blog. Your words are so beautiful and I would like to see them shine.

Love, Satyananda

BLESSED

How wonderful not to know
what will happen the next moment
or tomorrow or next year.
Why should I carry this knowing,
why should I keep it?

The wind is blowing,
the grass grows in stillness,
the trees smile at me
with their rough, warm trunks.

Tears trickle down on my cheeks
of gratitude and emotion.
This beauty and this love
is more than enough.
My heart is overflowing.

I am blessed.

******************************************************************

My Dear Satyananda

I apologize for two emails in line. But these words inspired by your beautiful text, The purpose of life;

To the The purpose of life or The purpose of me!?

This morning at the beginning of sunrise, I asked myself is day true or night? Which one is true? The day is the opening of hope, light, activity and life, the night has calmness, stillness and silence in it.  We usually seek night through our day and seek day through our night. We never fully stay with either one, that staying is difficult. Although sometimes we prefer to stay longer but in time it gets boring. But why we get bored or tired with this beautiful gift?

I noted that the question of trueness of day or night can only refer to my own attitude towards what I see or as you beautifully say towards our perspectives. But, truly speaking, the attitude of what towards what?

I looked closer to this; and noticed it is a thought that comparing itself with an experience. And me (possibly this thought) always missing something, the work always is not complete. Then here we are in endless comparisons and when we get tired of them we seek our night! Well the story of night is similar. What is really missing?! Is there really something alive, something substantial there in the day and night of my life? Is it I?

Nukunu cleverly and beautifully sees the I as object but the world as subject. So it got clearer when I remembered this. It is the world or life that receives my attitudes, my questions or to say my attitudes and questions occurs in life. Furthermore, it is I (me) that apparently has purpose. But what is that purpose!? What is the purpose of me?

Apparently, for human being, that purpose is to know, to know everything and may be finally know himself. And I can only know by comparing, what else I can do?  How much complicated the comparing would be, it is comparing, an attitude towards another thought. I cannot know if Life has any purpose! How can I know my subject!? But I urgently project my propose on it! But why I am doing this?

We are like Sophie Amundsen in the Sophie’s World book  (by Norwegian philosopher Jostein Gaarder). She is a seeker of philosophy but when she finds that she is only a thought, the fear of the nonexistence or nothingness comes and she tries to escape from the truth (with the help of other thoughts, a colonel and  her friend in the story!). We never give up escaping! Do we?!

Dear Satyanada you beautifully say it is all about you.  This resonated with me but I wondered what you mean. But now I can change my question; are day and night true, to the am I true?

How nice is a cup of tea, what else is so important?!

Love and my gratitude,
Afshin

My Dear Satyananda

After your first email my questions are missing from my heart, may be just for now! I don’t know. Since then, a kind of waiting and trusting is present.  It is like a weak background of gratitude for everyone, for every second and for everything of life. May be it was there, I don’t know.

As Nukunu says the mind is a teenager in the front. The teenager is now at the door waiting!  But this teenager likes to hold on his last rope and that rope is your words and poems. Meanwhile, it would be a great honor to get help from you.  So let it be this way, no rush, no expectations for any big deal or delight for the other side of the door. Let the teenager feel safe with his last stand for a while, I even really don’t know if this would be his last one.

Me and my wife also give our love to you and your family. We live in Iran. Together we looked at your photo gallery; it was full of joy and colors, especially the India albums.

My love and gratitude,
Afshin

My Dear Satyananda

I feel this would be my last stand, my altar, I mean your kind words.

But before surrendering! a question rose; why it doesn’t last!? I read your beautiful text with the title I have experienced glimpses, why doesn’t it stay?And I translated it to my native language and gave it as a present to my wife.

Then I remembered a poem from Hafez and I translated that for you;

There is no guard between the Lover and Beloved
You are the veil, Hafez, move from the middle

My love and gratitude,
Afshin

Hello my dear friend!

Thank you for your response to my story. Here is what came to me:

Bad feelings are not a problem for me. They are as much part of life as the good ones. What I am is both beyond the feelings and the feelings themselves. Like the ocean don’t care about the size or colour of the waves. For me this is natural and also part of being a human, this vulnerability and not rejecting any experience. Everything is really love – it just comes in different packages and often part of a learning experience. Love keeps on knocking at my door wanting me to open up to everything.

I don’t care so much what happens and if my desires are fulfilled or not. In some way all desires are fulfilled because everything is pointing back to this unlimited Love that doesn’t care what I think about it. I get disappointed from time to time and this gives me a possibility to see deeper, integrate the pain, and see it transform to love and peace.

There is no choice, no contradiction. But the mind cannot grasp this. It is more like ‘both and’ than ‘this or that’ – no choice and no other possibility. Just this reality that is here right now in front of my nose. Life is learning me to rest Here, in this moment, in this movement and to see the living wonder of Love expressing itself in innumerable ways – pleasant or unpleasant. But it is always the same wholeness appearing different but not changing in essence. Nothing ever happened.

Love,
Satyananda

This ancient sanskrit mantra is trying to tell the impossible. Life is naturally full and has always been so. No matter what we think about life or how we live it has always been the same – complete.

Om purnamadah purnamidam
purnat purnamudachyate
purnasya purnamadaya
purnamevavashishyate

I translate the sanskrit word purnam with full or fullness. A synonym is perfect indicating that it cannot be compared to anything else, it stands alone just as it is - complete.

My personal interpretation (there are so many):

“This (that you are) is perfect (beyond the idea of perfect and imperfect).
That (which you experience) is also perfect.
From This (inner) perfect springs That—the (outer) perfect.
Take (that outer) perfect from (this inner) perfect and only the (complete) perfect remains.”

Manifestation did not really happen, it only appeared to do it and nothing has thus changed—it always remained the same, perfect.

The author is trying to reduce our ideas to the essence, that which cannot be put in words or described. She/he is trying to say that Reality has always been complete, whole, and full by negating all that can be thought or reasoned about it.